The Evil Fast Food Place of Doom
by Dreamchasereternity
Summary: All Yusuke wants is to have a nice peaceful day and eat a few burgers...Things don't turn out quite as planned when Burger Heaven turns out to be run by...well let's not ruin the surprise. Warning: May cause reader to fall out of chair from laughter R


Dream: Hello and welcome to this little mini story I came up with!

Tenka: What for?

Dream: Well I got bored and this idea just popped into my head so while you're waiting for my new fics to come out you readers can enjoy this one!

Tenka: ...what's this about?

Dream: well basically it's about what happens when the gang goes to a fast food restaurant for food. 

Tenka: no really, I thought one went to a fast food restaurant to get toys...*rolls eyes*

Dream: *ignores the rabbit demon* Of course I am going to be in it with my anti-beef campaign and Flash is going to be in here with...comedy...Oh by the way, for those of you who have read my other fics (and you don't have to read them if you haven't) Arielle from now on will be Flash. Read Lioness by Winter -iel -o burzum to find out who Flash is...or you could just go on without reading it...I mean you probably don't need to know anything about her in order to understand the story.

Tenka: Just start the story now...oh and Dream does not own the cast of Yu Yu Hakusho or Flash. She does own herself and Burger Heaven.

Dream: Okee dokee! Story time!

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The Evil Fast Food Demons of Doom

          It was a warm and sunny day in Tokyo, Japan. Busy people were rushing by to get on with their busy lives. The buildings and stores were alive with customers. The birds were chirping and everyone was happy....yeah right! Everyone was miserable! How would you like to be pushing your way through a crowded city street just so you won't be late for another day at your boring job?!? ...*cough* well...as I was saying...Not everyone was happy on this bright and sunny day...take that person over there with the antigravity hair for example. He looks miserable....

          "I will not go with you to some stupid ningen fast food place!" The boy with antigravity hair yelled at his friend.

          His friend, a boy, yes a boy though many mistake him for a girl, with long red hair and emerald green eyes sighed, "Hiei, please. It'll be good for you to get out and socialize a little...besides, we're all hungry and Botan has to explain our new mission..."

          "She can explain the mission to us right here." Hiei said.

          A girl with dark brown hair and cloudy blue eyes frowned, "Baka fire demon..."

          "What was that fox girl?!?" Hiei glared at her.

          The girl smiled and rocked back and forth on her heels, "Nothing..." 

          "Come on, Kurama. Let's just leave him here. He obviously doesn't care about the mission." A very ugly boy with orange hair said to the redhead. 

          Kurama sighed, "But Kuwabara...we need Hiei...he's an important part of our team..."

          If Hiei hadn't made up his mind to kill all of these bakas once he took over the world he might have almost been touched by the kitsune's words. But of course he had made up his mind to kill them so he didn't care. Another boy with extremely gelled black hair shrugged and walked over to Hiei.

          "Come on shorty. Let's go." The boy was promptly knocked onto the floor with a hit from a metal pipe being held by a girl that had long black hair with silver bangs. 

          "If you call Hiei short than you call me short and that is **_not_** good for your health, Yusuke!!!" The girl yelled.

          "Err...Flash? I think you killed him..." The first girl said while poking Yusuke with her foot.

          Flash shrugged, "Oh well. One less baka ningen to deal with..."

          "STOP POKING ME AUTUMN!!!!!!" Yusuke yelled as he stood up and glared at the girl.

          Autumn smiled innocently, "I wasn't. You must be imagining things."

          "Wha...?" Yusuke blinked.

          A girl with blue hair that had been quiet up until now stepped between them, "Now, now. There's no need for you to fight."

          "But the chipmunk told me too, Botan!" Autumn pointed at a random chipmunk that just happened to be there stuffing acorns into its already bulging cheeks.

          Everyone blinked at her. She looked around, "What?"

          "I know how to get Hiei to come with us!" Yusuke announced.

          Kurama raised an eyebrow, "You do?"

          "Yup!" Yusuke walked over and picked Hiei up off the bench. He then started carrying him away while whistling. (inspired by a funny picture I found online)

          Hiei started struggling, "HEY!!!!!!!! PUT ME DOWN!!!!!!!!!! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!" 

          The rest of the group followed behind laughing. As they walked down the streets of the city many people gave them strange looks. Mostly because of the never-ending stream of death threats pouring out of Hiei's mouth as he demanded to be put down. It could also have been because of the fact that at one point Autumn jumped up on a parked car and started to dance the Macarena at which point many parents told their children not to look at the crazy person and walked away while Kurama yelled at Autumn to stop. But that just doesn't seem like something that would attract attention, does it?

          Well anyway, after a long walk filled with odd looks and many people avoiding them, they finally made it to their destination. Burger Heaven! Serving the best food that will clog your arteries and eventually kill you ever! Or at least that's what it said on the front of the building right below a giant Burger with wings and a halo. 

          Autumn's eye twitched, "A burger place?!? YUSUKE! YOU BROUGHT US TO A BURGER PLACE?!?"

          "Yeah, you might be a vegetarian but the rest of us aren't and we like our burgers!" Yusuke smiled.

          "I don't eat beef anymore...maybe I'll just get some fries..." Flash started thinking.

          Autumn pointed at the sign, "Can you not read?!? It says right there that it will eventually kill you!"

          "Yeah and?" Yusuke blinked.

          Autumn snapped her fingers. A second later she was dressed in one of those long black teacher gowns with a teacher hat thing on her head. She was holding a teacher pointer thingy and a portable chalkboard with wheels had appeared behind her. On the chalkboard were pictures. She cleared her throat as everyone else gave her strange looks. She pointed her pointer at an image of a cow.

          "As you may or may not know, Hamburgers are made of cow meat. See the cow? Isn't it cute? Well this happy little cow would like to be running around in a nice open field with all of its little cow friends but no. This cow will eventually be dinner so it is kept in a miserable little pen with many other soon-to-be-dead cows. These cows are unhappy so once they are brutally slaughtered and shipped off to be cooked they swear revenge on whoever eats them! THE COWS HAUNT YOU! THEY KILL YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT!!!!!!!! THEY WILL EAT YOUR SPLEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

          Autumn stopped and blinked at where her friends used to be. Now only Kurama was left standing there looking at his watch and tapping his foot. She peeked behind the chalkboard and saw the others walking inside Burger Heaven. "Kuso..." She muttered as her teacher's outfit disappeared and she kicked the chalkboard down the street. It rolled into a car causing a large accident. 

          "So...shall we join the others?" Kurama asked as they turned away from the accident.

          Autumn nodded and they both walked into the restaurant. They found the others on line ordering their food. It was Hiei's turn to order. He walked over to the serving lady person.

          The lady smiled, "Welcome to Burger Heaven. Would you like a kid's meal, little boy?" 

          "I am not a little boy!" Hiei growled.

          The lady smiled again, "Oh come on! There's nothing wrong with being a little boy! Enjoy your youth while you have it!"

          "BAKA NINGEN! I was 'enjoying my youth' long before you were even born!" Hiei yelled and pointed.

          "Sure you were, little boy. So that's one kid's meal..." 

          "NO! I DON'T WANT ONE OF YOUR NINGEN MEALS TO MAKE NINGEN CHILDREN FEEL SPECIAL AND IMPORTANT WHEN REALLY THEY ARE WORTHLESS WEAKLINGS!!!!!!!!" Hiei paused when he noticed everyone in the restaurant staring at him oddly. "Err...I will have a Coke..."

          The lady nodded and took down the order as Hiei walked over to stand near Kurama. Kurama sighed, "Hiei, can't you go one minute without saying something bad about humans?"

          "Hn." Hiei replied as he crossed his arms.

          After everyone had their meals they sat down at a table to eat. Autumn had decided not to eat anything because she refused to give money to the "Evil Fast Food Restaurant of Doom." Kurama had then decided not to eat because he felt bad about eating while Autumn went hungry. Instead he just drank some tea. Kuwabara and Yusuke had bought many burgers and were stuffing their faces. Flash was eating fries, Hiei was drinking his soda, and Botan was watching. 

          "So what's the new mission?" Kurama asked.

          Botan frowned and whispered, "Koenma said that some very odd demons have escaped into Ningenkai and are probably planning to poison all of Tokyo with some new restaurant...."

          "So where do we start looking?" Flash asked.

          Botan shrugged, "We aren't sure."

          "Am I the only one that sees the connection between these demons and this restaurant's message?" Autumn asked.

          Botan blinked, "What connection?"

          Autumn sighed and was about to explain when suddenly a random person started coughing then fell to the ground. Another person followed and soon everyone in the restaurant except for Kurama, Hiei, Flash, Botan, and Autumn were on the floor unconscious. Bars then fell down over the windows and doors.

          "What the...?" Flash asked looking around. 

          Autumn stood up on her chair, "ACK! THE EVIL FAST FOOD DEMONS OF DOOM ARE GOING TO KILL US ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

          "Calm down, Autumn. I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for this..." Kurama said.

          "YEAH! I JUST TOLD YOU IT!"

          Hiei glared at Kurama and said in a mocking tone, "'it'll be good for you to get out and socialize a little.' Hn. Baka kitsune..."

          Kurama sighed. Autumn grabbed the closest object to her, her chair. Unfortunately she forgot that she was standing on her chair so when she picked it up she fell down on the ground and landed with a thud. "ITAI!"

          Flash heard footsteps coming, "Somebody's coming! Let's all get on the ground and pretend we're like the others!"

          "What?" Autumn said as she sat up and was immediately pushed back down by Kurama who lay down next to her. 

          As the five waited and watched to see what was coming they began to grow bored. After a long wait three people came into view...Or actually three demons came into view. Immediately Autumn stood up.

          "I KNEW IT!!!!!!!! I KNEW THE COWS WERE AFTER REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She yelled as she pointed at the cow demons. 

          The cow demons blinked at her. One of them spoke, "How come you are not unconscious like the other ningens?"

          "BECAUSE I REFUSE TO EAT YOUR MEAT OF DOOM! OR ANY OTHER MEAT FOR THAT MATTER!" 

          The cow demon that had spoke took out one of those electric cow prods. "Then we will just have to kill you."

          "Eh...that's ok...you don't **_have_** to kill me..." Autumn said as she eyed the prod nervously.

          "Oh, but we want to." The cow said.

          Kurama got up quickly and stood in front of Autumn protectively. "I won't let you hurt her."

          "HEY! I CAN DEFEND MYSELF!!!" Autumn yelled.

          Kurama looked over his shoulder at her, "Oh really? With what?"

          "With..." Autumn paused dramatically before pulling a feather out of her pocket and holding it out, "THIS!"

          Meanwhile Flash had gotten up and was holding her pipe threateningly. Hiei had his katana drawn and Botan was cowering behind them. Autumn manipulated her feather into a sword. The other two cow demons drew their weapons. They fought. Soon there was only one cow demon left standing. She looked around fearfully at the group.

          "Well, any last words, you mutated beef patty?" Hiei asked as he prepared to strike.

          The cow smirked, "I was just about to ask you the same question..." 

          "What?" Hiei frowned as the cow started to glow. Soon all of the unconscious humans were glowing too. They slowly stood up and looked at the five with glowing green eyes. 

          "Kill...kill..." The zombified humans chanted.

          Kurama looked around, "Now what?!? We can't kill them!"

          "Why not?" Hiei and Flash asked at the same time.

          Kurama sighed, "Because we aren't allowed to kill humans."

          "Kurama, stop playing by the rules! We'll just say that we thought they were demons!" Flash yelled.

          Autumn pointed, "But what about Yusuke and Kuwabara?"

          "Casualties in the war against the cows of doom." Flash nodded.

          Kurama frowned, "No. We will not kill them. We will not kill any of the humans."

          "Aw Kurama...why do you always have to ruin our fun?" Flash pouted.

          During this whole conversation the zombies had been slowly making their way towards the five. Autumn looked around, "Err...so if we don't kill them what do we do?"

          Botan got an idea, "This is just like what happened with the four saint beasts! So I'll do exactly what I did then!"

          "You're going to sit on your lazy ass and let us do all the work?" Flash raised an eyebrow.

          Botan frowned and pulled a bat out of nowhere. She was about to speak but Autumn interrupted, "That's it!"

          "What?!? You **_want_** Botan to be a lazy ass?!?" Flash yelled.

          "No, baka!" Autumn pointed at Botan, Flash, and then herself, "We will distract the zombified bakas while Kurama and Hiei go after the demonic bovine from hell." 

          "Great idea!" Botan smiled.

          Flash crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, "Oh yeah, great idea! Let us three distract the twenty something zombies and hope that somehow the baka fox boy and the baka fire demon can kill the cow before the zombies eat our brains!"

          "Flash, if the zombies are after our brains then you have nothing to worry about." Hiei pointed out.

          Flash went to hit him over the head with her pipe but Autumn held her back. "No! We need him!"

          "Are you sure you three can handle the zombies?" Kurama asked.

          Autumn nodded, "Yeah, don't worry! I've got a plan!"

          "...**_You_** have a plan and you expect us not to be worried?!?" Flash yelled.

          Autumn sighed, "Oh come on...my plans aren't that bad...and besides Harmony came up with this so if you insult it then you insult her and..."

          "I get the point! It will be a wonderful plan oh great and powerful fox demon! But if I die for whatever reason I will come back and haunt you." Flash added the last part threateningly.

          Autumn nodded and jumped on a nearby table. "HEY YOU STUPID ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!! LET'S PLAY AUTUMN SAYS!" 

          "What?!? What the hell plan is this?!?" Flash yelled.

          Autumn shushed her and turned back to the zombies. "Ok! Autumn says...do the chicken dance!" She started to dance. The zombies also started to dance.

          The others stared at her as if she was a maniac but we all know she is so...yeah...let's try that again...

          The others stared at her like the maniac she is. That sounds better. ANYWAY, as the others stared Autumn stopped dancing. She motioned for Flash and Botan to start knocking them unconscious. Flash and Botan blinked. Kurama whispered, "I think she means you should knock the zombies unconscious..."

          "OH!" Flash then hit the nearest zombie with her pipe. She then started hitting other zombies as did Botan. Hiei and Kurama ran up to the cow and readied their weapons for a fight.

          The cow laughed, "You cannot defeat me! I have the power of calcium enriched bones on my side!"

          "ALRIGHT! THAT'S IT! TIME OUT! I'LL BE BACK!" Autumn ran off and appeared inside the dining room of a house. There on the computer was a girl that looked exactly like her. In fact it was her...Hey wait...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!?

          "Stop writing lame cow jokes!" Autumn yelled at the authoress that happened to be her.

          The authoress blinked, "But..."

          "No buts! No more cow jokes!" Autumn then disappeared back into the world of the fanfic where she was supposed to be in the first place. *coughs* Yes well, back to the story and let's pretend that never happened...

          The cow laughed, "You cannot defeat me! I have the power of calcium enriched bones on my side!"

          Hiei scoffed, "And I thought Flash and Autumn were crazy..."

          "WE ARE!" The girls yelled across the room at him. Hiei sighed.

          The cow turned and started running away. Kurama and Hiei attacked and to make a short story shorter the cow lost miserably. Soon after the cow was defeated the remaining zombies that hadn't been knocked unconscious by the girls fell to the ground. Flash and Autumn started kicking Kuwabara because they had nothing better to do.

          Kurama looked around at everyone, "Perhaps we should leave before the other customers wake up and demand to know what happened?"

          "Good idea, Kurama!" Autumn said. Soon they were all back at the ark where they had first been arguing with Hiei. 

          Yusuke and Kuwabara woke up. Hiei glared at Kurama, "The next time you suggest that I join you for a social gathering remind me to kill you."

          "Eh..." Kurama blinked.

          Autumn frowned, "Hmm...I know there's a moral to this story somewhere..."

          "Who cares?" Yusuke said.

          "Yeah for once I agree with the baka. Nobody cares about the stupid moral." Hiei nodded.

          Everyone's eyes widened. Flash pointed and screamed, "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! HIEI AGREED WITH YUSUKE!!!!!!!!! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

          "Flash, calm down..." Kurama sweat dropped.

          Yusuke, Flash, and Kuwabara were running in circles screaming about the world coming to an end. Autumn was lost in thought trying to figure out the meaning. Let's take a moment to see what's going on in her head, shall we?

          Inside Autumn's mind:

          A small dog comes out onto the screen and sits in front of a microphone. The dog starts to howl mournfully to a tune. (Sorry, Excel Saga...I don't own that!)

          The dog then kicks the microphone away and starts to dance the electric slide. Slide to the right, slide to the left, two steps back, lean forward, lean backwards, clap and turn! (Sorry again! This is what happens when you give an authoress sugar!)

          Back outside Autumn's mind:

          Autumn is laughing because of the dog. Kurama is waving his hand in front of her face to snap her out of it. Flash, Yusuke, and Kuwabara crash into Hiei and all four of them tumble into the duck pond that just magically happened to be there. Botan was nearby watching with amusement. 

          As they got out of the pond Hiei glared at the bakas and Flash. He then started chasing them, "I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!" 

          "Hiei! Wait!" Kurama yelled as he started chasing after the fire demon. Botan was dragged into the chase by Yusuke and the seven of them were running in circles around Autumn as she stood there trying to think but being interrupted by the dancing dog.

          And this is where our story ends. As the friends chase each other around and the psycho fox girl tries to get the dancing dog out of her head. What a wonderfully happy end to a wonderfully happy day. If only everyday was like this and if only all friends acted like this group...the world would be a much better place...

          Flash: WHAT THE HELL?!? What planet do you live on?!? Are we talking about the same people?!? The world would be in serious trouble if everyone was like us! Besides...then everyone would be planning to take over the world with sporks...*blink blink* you didn't hear that.

          Autumn: I finally figured it out! The moral of this story is: Be careful what you eat because you just might get attacked by revenge seeking bovine from hell! *feels proud*

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Dream: Well there you have it! My pointless insane one chapter story!

Tenka: That was actually pretty funny...o.O

Dream: you sound surprised...

Tenka: Well yeah...

Dream: *shrugs* Oh...here's a dictionary of words I used:

Ningen – human

Baka – stupid/idiot

Kuso – damn

Ningenkai – human world

Itai – ouch

And err...I think that's it...

Tenka: In case any of you are wondering Dream's choose your own adventure fic should be up as soon as she gets around to coloring that picture she has of Harmony...

Dream: Review please people!


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